Jacquline V AIM Attitude

I choose to be strong. I AM.

Growing up you believe you will be strong with the time that passes by. But when I had my bad times or needed to let my emotions out, I would always write in my journals. I started writing at the age of ten. My journal had from my parent constant fighting, my cutting, my uncle who was molesting me as a child, and figuring out who I was. Outside I was a smiley bubbly girl but in reality, inside I was crying for help. All I knew, is how to keep everything to myself and continue life just how it is, and that is were strength came from. Just keep going. But the more I stayed quiet, the more it built up inside me, till one day I had one huge cut and that is where it all changed. I would never forget how my sister cried, when she saw what I was doing to myself. I ended in the hospital and had to be on observation. I got consoling and kept writing. Started working and did anything that could keep me busy and not being isolated.
But I still didn’t have closure from. This all took place when I was fifteen. After three years of counseling I became a bit more social and kept myself busy. My past, all I had – it was my journals. At the age of 20, I started to know more about myself and realized I have more attraction to girls rather than boys. Which was not easy for my loved ones to understand. They believed I was confused or maybe haven’t met the right guy.
When I had my first girlfriend, majority of my loved ones didn’t approve and had bad comments. Which brought my self-esteem very low because I love my family but for them to not fully approve of who I am or who I want to be with, was the most difficult thing I had to face. I knew I didn’t want to live my life in the closet and not feel happy, but I didn’t want my loved one to give me their cold shoulder.
So I had to make a choice. So I decided to stay true to myself and let everyone know who I am. It took maybe a year for my loved ones to speak to me, like nothing happened and everything was ok. I am glad I decided to speak and not let my fear get to me. Unfortunately my girlfriend and me broke up from two and a half year of being together but I didn’t regret anything from it. I am proud to say, I am proud of who I am. At the age of 23 I was introduced to AIM.

I was very curious and checked out the website, reading it, I was amazed how the words “I AM” or “I AIM” can make me feel great about myself. One day I ask myself can this really work? Saying to myself “I AIM to stay true to myself” or my favorite one is “I AIM to keep going. I can. I am.” It actually gets me through and it does help me. Even helps me more than writing in my journals.
One day I noticed I was not writing as often like I used to, and I decide to look back through my oldest journal up until now. It was a bit hard reading them but I found out something amazing. From reviewing my past journals I realized as a little child I used the words “I” so many times. For example: “I am going to be strong for my family and I am going to make it.” I kept flipping pages and I realized my strength was, that I kept telling to myself to move forward. AIM ATTITUDE reminds us that we are strong and it’s something we forget.
One word can make us feel different about ourselves and can make a huge impact in our daily lives. AIM has taught me that there will always be obstacle in life, which we have to overcome and not to ignore the situation around us, and that was my biggest mistake in life. I ignore my problems and kept quite for so long and I hurt myself. Not just me, but the people who loved and love me. I am proud to wear AIM bracelet everyday.

It reminds me to be who I am and keep my head up high and keep moving forward. I know this is the beginning of my life but at least I know I AM not alone and ready for what awaits me. I am now twenty-four and I could finally say, “I am strong” because AIM found me when I really needed it. Thank you AIM. I will always carry you in my heart and soul and ready to grow together with AIM ATTITUDE.